Do you ever listen to motivational speakers? Well, this isn’t that.
I’m here to crush your spirit. Since I’d like to continue writing books, I’m going to discourage you from doing it. You see, the less competition, the easier it is for me. And since you’re not that committed anyways, it’ll be an easy task to kill your creative spirit.
Unless your spirit animal is a lion. I’m no dentist.
I had to. And I’m not sorry.
Back to the point: I love how motivational speeches never work. They give you temporary inspiration, maybe even guilt, and then your normal self takes over again and you forget everything you heard.
Do you know why you forget?
Because it’s hard work to change. Changing sucks. It’s so much easier to scroll through Instagram.
And this is exactly why it’s going to be easy to kill your creative spirit. Because after taking this ass-kicking, you’ll still make excuses for not writing on Tuesday night because you have that thing going on that’s super-duper important.
And then you never make up the daily word count because you forgot.
And then it becomes a habit to miss writing because there’s always something going on.
So, I’d like to jump-start that bad habit for you. Just call me a bad Samaritan.
There are so many reasons you should just give up now. You should quit because…
1. Some rando on Reddit said you’re worthless
2. Grammar is hard
3. Some of your characters are flat
4. Most books you read are infinitely better than yours
5. You’re bored with your plot now
6. Your main character is basically you with a different name
7. And you hate your main character
8. That means you hate yourself
9. Now you have to go to counseling for this revelation
10. Writing is hard
11. You’re out of good ideas
12. You have friends and it’d be nice to see them more often
13. Your story’s not that great anyways
14. You’re scared
15. Your family might see your uncouth book and disown you
16. Now you’ll have to spend holidays watching reruns of Friends by yourself
17. What if publishers reject you?
18. What if agents reject you?
19. What if those closest to you say it’s not your best?
20. Most of what you’ve written is steeped in cliches
21. You have a crush on one of your characters and it’s becoming unhealthy
22. You hear of someone who began their first novel at the same time you did and is now polishing off their seven hundred and eighty-seventh book
23. You have this great idea for another novel
24. You love everything about writing aside from actually sitting down and… writing
25. The researching phase sucks you into a never-ending vortex of Wikipedia articles and etymology searches that are so much more interesting than the next blank page
26. Your cursor is taunting you
27. Your daily word count is unrealistically high, but when you lower it, you still can’t hit it
28. You remember your perpetually-half-drunk 4th grade teacher Mrs. Knutson who told you that you could make a lot of money in the technology field
29. You don’t know anything about marketing… how will you sell your book?
30. Sometimes you cry alone in the bathtub, the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack masking your sobs
31. Self publish, traditional publish, or nap?
32. Your friend, who’s really stupid, starting writing a book and it’s actually really good. And that makes you feel terrible about yourself
33. Writing is more work, less fairy dust and unicorn sharts
If that doesn’t kill your spirit animal, then maybe you’re determined (or have the lion spirit animal). Either way, please stop writing and make it easier for me.
Thanks for being so cooperative.
Question(s) of the day: What excuses have you heard (or made) for not writing? Do any of my points ring true?